Since my last post life has been ever changing—for the better, but not without tears, some serious self-doubt and a lot of self-discovery all on very, very little sleep!
We are just getting to a point where we are practicing a strict schedule with Liliana and semi succeeding, so I feel like I can come up for air a few times a day now. The first three weeks were brutal for me—figuring out breastfeeding, feeling beyond exhausted and recovering from the delivery.
Life with a newborn is tiring and hard. You hear people mention these things in passing, but people never REALLY talk about what it’s like. And the magic month is 3—when life is supposed to start to get back to some sort of normal. I’m not trying to wish this time away, but I did mark it on my calendar (hehe).
Motherhood has been a process for me; I never had a magical moment immediately after her birth where I felt a connection to Liliana. I’m not sure if it was because of her dramatic birth, and or the combination that I didn’t get to spend more than 45 minutes with her immediately after delivery until they had to take her to the NICU where she stayed for three days.
When we got home, Brian and I kind of felt like we were hustling to take care of someone else’s baby. Needless to say we were in complete shock. Every week since our first day home, I’ve had time to bond and started to feel closer and closer to her with each passing day and now I’m head over heals in love with this baby girl.
Liliana’s first few weeks of life mostly consisted of sleeping, eating every hour, spitting up, and crying at all hours of the day and night for unknown reasons. Gradually she has become more alert, she has started to make eye contact for longer and longer periods of time, to crying typically in the evening hours (still for unknown reasons) and has finally started to fill out her newborn clothes. She smiles and laughs in her sleep, and lately I think I’ve seen a glimpse of a half smile while her eyes are open and I’m so excited for the day we can smile back and forth to each other.
We had a rough start, but we are getting through and everything is starting to fall into place. Liliana has some family coming to visit in the coming weeks that are just so excited to meet her. She is going to start to feel all the love she has in her life—more than just from mom and dad and I couldn’t be happier.