Mommy-hood

Mommyhood

I’ve been doing this full-time mommy gig for a little over a month now…I live in workout clothes or pajamas, and I haven’t mastered getting ready for the day. I’m in no makeup with a messy top knot daily and I’m lucky if I remember to brush my teeth every morning.

I remember when I woke up on the day Brian went back to work. I brought Liliana into the nursery and placed her on the changing table. As I looked down at her my heart felt like it was going to swell out of my chest and I started to cry. I realized I had just stepped into the first day of the most important job I’ll have for the rest of my life. At that moment I knew just how much time we would spend together and how much responsibility I will have for her on a daily basis. It was a scary moment, but I took a deep breath and gave Liliana a kiss.  I made a promise to her that I will do everything I can for her always, no matter what, and that she will always be able to count on me. Since that moment I haven’t looked back! I’m getting used to the around the clock (very important) meetings with Liliana 7 days a week. She keeps me on my toes and challenges me in ways I never knew a tiny person could.

She exhausts me emotionally because all I want is to make her happy, but there are moments when there is nothing I can do to stop her face from turing red and crying big, fat tears. It breaks my heart every. single. time. 

I’ve read the Baby Wise book and started practicing a schedule with her at around five weeks. It helped me structure my days with her and it gives me a better perspective on what she can handle as far as awake time vs. how much sleep she needs. The days hardly ever go according to schedule, but it’s a nice tool to have. 

Being a new mom in a relatively new city has been hard. I don’t have super close relationships here since we’ve only been here a year. And being a mom and having support is so crucial—I feel that now more than ever. I keep in contact with friends and family and that has helped a lot. Sharing stories with friends who have just had babies has added a lot of comfort in my life. Thank goodness for social media!! I signed up for a group called PEPS here. It’s for new moms and you get paired with others that have babies around the same age. I’m looking forward to seeing how that goes in the coming weeks.

I’m still wearing my pregnancy jeans, which I’m not thrilled about, but I’m getting there. I’m trying to be gentle with myself as far as losing the weight goes. All the adjustments to mommy-hood are hard enough, I don’t need to be stressing over the pants I fit into (totally easier said than done), but I’m taking it one pound at a time. 

Being a mom is humbling and at times I feel like if I can do this job, I can do anything at all I put my mind to. So there are definitely moments where I feel like super women when something goes as planned. And then I feel like I fall hard…flat on my face when things don’t go as I hoped, which I’m going to be honest, is most of the time! 

I just have to share my biggest lesson so far. People can give lots of advice to new moms, but no matter what anyone says to you, the very best thing you can do for your baby and your family is to go with your gut in every moment. Try what truly feels right to you at that second. Don’t second guess yourself—just act. And trust me, doing that feels terrifying at the time, but almost always it worked for me. I’m not a pro AT ALL, but this early in the game, that’s the best advise I can give.

I’m looking forward to all the things Liliana has in store for me. Her tiny, innocent and very sweet spirit makes me want to be a better person. And because of her I see my world and relationships differently. Being her momma is so special, and I love her so much.

Comments

  1. Michelle says

    You are an excellent mom with very good advice!

    Reply
  2. Amy says

    You are right where normal moms are at the same point! Lol I wore pj’s & sweats for the 1st 2 months. I was horrified at being left alone, positive that I was going to screw something up, majorly! I cried for days worrying that I was doing things wrong. You’re a mom. It will come naturally. Don’t fight it! :) When you become a mom- you realize how right your mom was in most all things. You realize how much they gave up for you in many different areas. A mom’s love is not something to scoff at. Moms are awesome! :) Welcome to the world of motherhood!

    Reply
  3. Susan Riley says

    lovely essay! It brought back so many memories.
    You might consider seeing if your local library has a storytime for infants; it’s a nice way to meet moms with other children close to Liliana’s age. Or the pediatrician’s office may have a list of mom groups too. Good luck with your gorgeous little girl!

    Reply
  4. Nancy says

    You are already a great mom. Enjoy Lili every day.

    Reply
  5. Mimi says

    You are a rock star!!!! You already have it all figured out! THIS is the most important job ever! Man, I can completely relate to the crying…. I’m praying everyday that my littlest love will outgrow this crying phase quickly! I too have the pj’s and top knot! (So bad, I think my hair is breaking off and I may end up with an interesting mullet

    Reply
  6. Mimi says

    (I think the rest of my comment didn’t post) hang in there! You are super!!!! We will look back on the crying phase soon and laugh, right? Great post!!! M

    Reply

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