Yesterday I cried three separate times in one hour, and I literally felt like I would start crying at pretty much anything after that. I wanted to go hide out so I didn’t scare anyone. I was feeling every single type of emotion. I couldn’t really even identify where it was all coming from or why I was on emotion overload.
Before yesterday, I have been cruising a long, making gut decisions, and really trying not to let anything get to me. And actually during this time, Brian and I have been getting a lot done, and having fun doing it!
And just to catch you up, we picked a venue, a date, and I bought a wedding dress－Yowza! Oh, and we decided to plan it in around 6-months (don’t flinch, we have our trusty wedding planners).
The day before, I had an amazing meeting with Bash, Please and we were talking about all the exciting next steps we will be taking to plan a fun party and overall kick-butt wedding. And after our meeting I left feeling exhilarated, and so blessed to have the support I do from my family, so that Brian and I can celebrate in a way that is truly us.
My heart swelled up and I thought, “How in the world am I ever going to thank everyone?” “Will they ever know how much there love and support really means to me?”
Both of our families have been so gracious and happy for us, and the happiness fills me up, and I noticed yesterday, turns into worry that they might never understands just how appreciative I am. Silly?…Maybe so.
And no, everything hasn’t been perfect. You’ve heard horror stories stating when you get married to be careful, everyone will have an opinion, and you just have to stay true to you, and ignore all the drama.
I never thought I would have drama. To be blunt, I’m naïve. And clearly never planned a wedding. I thought that if I don’t create drama, stay positive and try to respect everyone around me to the absolute best of my ability, I would simply steer clear of any nonsense.
And I think deep down, when the drama snuck in, it broke my heart. And through all this love and worry, and trying to keep this a perfectly happy experience, my expectation was unrealistic, and it left me unprepared for the honest fact: I can’t make everyone happy, even if I am the most happy I have ever been.
My hard lesson from all this, is people will be who they are, while not even understanding the impact they have on you. It is important to stay in your happy place, but it is also just as vital to let yourself feel sad, if the moment presents itself, or it will sneak up on you like it did me the yesterday. And talk to your fiancé, even if it isn’t all good news, because you can’t take it all on yourself.
I don’t know how to deal with the immense amount of thankfulness that I feel, but when I figure it out, I’ll let you know!